With every clickety-clack of the train over the rails, more and more track is left behind. I think of times past as moments of learning, helping us be formed into who we are today and who we will be in the future.
Come with me to the back of the train, down memory lane. I imagine standing at the back of the caboose, holding the metal railing, and watching as the track seems to be getting longer with every minute that passes. I visualize the memories that I have formed throughout the years. Being only 32, almost 33, many don’t think I have had enough time to say “what have I done with my life?” But in truth as an adult, we can wonder if we have done enough or if we were wasteful with our time as children.
Personally, I don’t love my first 23 years of life. Looking back now, knowing what I know, it changes the entire view of what was real and what was hidden from me. I can’t look at that part of my track without getting emotional and feeling a little bit of pain. Yes, there were good moments, but so many of those are overshadowed by the knowledge that what I thought was truth was actually someone using me or lying.
I don’t want this entire post to be depressing or sound like I am seeking sympathy, because I’m not. Almost 10 years have passed; I now see that those difficulties helped form me into the woman I am today. Those people that used me, helped me to realize that not everyone is going to love you like Christ. So, we need to be aware of who we are allowing to influence us. Even some Christians don’t want to serve God 100% all the time, that includes me. Without those struggles, I would not have moved to Minnesota, changed careers, met my husband and so much more. I may not have liked going through those things, but those things brought me closer to God. I could only trust in Him; I had no one else. He became more real through that time in my life that… I have to thank Him for it.
Everyone’s track is filled with different circumstances. No one has a perfect life to remember. But sometimes looking back, and seeing how things were and comparing them to how things are today, we can’t but thank God for the lives He has provided us.
Yes, it hurts. Yes, you may not like what you remember. But… think of it as God guiding you to where you are today. Think about what would have changed if those things wouldn’t have happened.
“I would still be in a church today, that was more focused on “standards” rather than my personal walk with God. I would never have met my husband. I can’t even imagine who I would have married. I don’t know how I could have met someone more perfect for me than the man I married. I would never have gone back to school and started my own business. Would I still be teaching?” My poor brain kind of goes into panic mode think about the what-ifs. (Which is never good by the way.)
The track we leave behind will never change, but it can help us make better decisions on where to go in our future. That’s the point of looking back. Not to get all sad or angry about something you can’t change, but to see where we may in the future improve. I don’t want to be like those people in my past, so I will strive to be honest and true to all those I meet in my future. I want a personal relationship with God, so I will not focus so much on the standards set up by man, but rather on what God guides me to do. I want to find my peace and contentment in Him, rather than trying to please those that are never satisfied.
Thinking this way changes everything, if we let it.
What are some things in your past that can help guide you in your future? Or are you still looking back with regret and anger? Looking back doesn’t have to be filled with negativity, but rather hope for your future. But… like all things… it is your choice what to do.