Dear Becoming a Valentine,
I know that this is probably your biggest dream right now. I get it. I was there too. When I hit puberty and my girly mind started seeing boys as potential relationships rather than having cooties, everything changed. The boys I once thought were gross now seemed cute. It was weird because most of the guys I went to school I had seen covered in mud and playing like animals in preschool, so I knew them almost too well to consider dating them. Honestly, it kind of creeped me out that my mind was doing this. And it confused me. But I didn’t know that it was a part of me growing up.
All young women go through a time in their lives when they start to desire a personal relationship with someone, and a tomboy like me was no different. I didn’t hang out with the girls and talk about boys, but I still knew and understood what I and most teen girls thought was important, having a boyfriend.
At first, I had no idea what was required in getting a boyfriend, but it didn’t take long for me to see how the other girls in my class attracted the boys into relationships.
!!! Girlies, listen to me. It doesn’t take much for a girl to learn to flirt and attract a guy, but… that is no way to start a lasting relationship!!!
Dating is not simply so you can have someone buy you flowers or candy on Valentine’s Day, or one day maybe even hold your hand and give you hugs. That is completely the wrong mind set. This often leads to heartbreak and a long recovery time of self-reflection, which is often full of self-loathing and disparity. But this is what women often settle for, especially those that don’t know what it truly means to be in a good relationship with someone.
In truth, I never really liked the way flirting made those girls look. It cheapens them as a woman and often times it starts building a reputation that they later on regret developing. Flirting is fun for a season, but it is never a good foundation for a relationship. Even as young high school, or even middle school, girls we shouldn’t focus on the “getting a guy” part, but more on what type of relationship you really want.
At the time it saddened me, but now I am so grateful that I was considered “one-of-the-guys” rather than possible girlfriend material. It protected me from so many heartbreaks, but it also opened up the opportunity for me to learn from young men what they would really like in their future relationships and wives. They understood that most young relationships never last, so it was never serious for them. But for the girls, every relationship was serious. So, this means that most of the time, both parties in the relationship were on different paths from the start which never ends well.
There are dozens of verses in the Bible describing what type of relations we should be looking for.
1. We are not meant, as women, to seek out our future spouses. That is God’s job.
Psalm 37:3-4 – “Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
2. God knows that it isn’t good for you to be alone. So, don’t worry that you will die an old maid. He never wanted that, so that’s why he created marriage all the way back in the Garden of Eden.
Genesis 2:18 – “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
3. We don’t always know what or who would be best in our lives. We are foolish beings, so we need to let go of what we “think” we need and trust God to provide us with what “is right”. He already has someone in mind for you. Don’t let your impatience keep you from the one that God purposeful picked just for you.
Proverbs 3:5-7 – “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”
4. God is a romantic. He creates the most beautiful love stories, because He is love.
1 John 4:7-10 – “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
God wants you to have an amazing love story, but you have to let him write it for it to be successful. He desires to give you a Valentine that you will never forget. So, instead for snatching up the first guy that promises to get you flowers and candy, maybe let God fill that relationship slot in your life until he brings you your forever Valentine.
Happy Valentines Day girlies. I pray that you feel His love on this special day.
Signing off,
Tami