Dear A Cross to Bear,

Too often we as women have to find a reason why something hasn’t happened yet. We tell ourselves that God must have a more “noble purpose” for us – a cross to bear before he brings us our dream, whatever that may be. Now, I am not only talking about desiring/dreaming of a relationship, but rather everything that you could ever desire or hope for in your life.

Not receiving your dream does not mean God has something more noble for you to do. This is a selfish way of thinking. It is putting yourself above/before anyone or anything else. Instead of looking at what you do have, it is focusing completely on what you don’t.

There are many reasons why God may not provide you with your dream. Some of the reasons you may eventually begin to see and understand, but others, God may never reveal to you. It is not our job to know all the ins-and-outs of why God decides to do or not do something.

There are so many times in my personal life when I never understood why God allowed something to not come into my life. Then there were times that only after many years did, I finally understand why He didn’t work things out according to my plans or present desires. For instance, my marriage.

At the moment when boys no longer were gross, I desired a relationship. I didn’t fully understand all that went into someone liking me, but it sounded wonderful. But me starting a relationship at that time wasn’t in God’s plans. At times, I did wonder if God has some amazing thing, he desired me to do first, like a mission’s trip, our help out with Sunday school, or even volunteer for evangelizing.

This way of thinking only caused me extra confusion. I began searching for that “noble thing” that God wanted me to do, but I never found it. I did get involved in a lot of good ministries, but none of them gave me the same joy that I later discovered in simply getting to know my Lord in a more personal way. I am very lucky that I had a loving mother that helped me adjust how I was thinking. Without her wise guidance, who knows how many years I could have been searching to no avail.

When I finally stopped being selfish – because I was – that is when God guided me to my future husband. It took many years, a whole lot of character growth, and even changing locations for my dream to finally come true. But I first had to give my dream to God, focus on relationship with Him, and trust that He would take care of me in the best way he knew (even if that meant I may have never gotten married.)

So, don’t start thinking selfishly when your dreams don’t seem to be happening when you want. But rather trust God and focus on now you are using your time to build your relationship with God, Himself.

                                                                         Signing off,
                                                                         Tami