- Christmas is Coming
Dear Christmas is coming,
So for this post we are going to take a break from relationships and boy talk. Instead, I want to focus on the Christmas spirit that we are all feeling at the beginning of December.
I don’t know about you but if I don’t have most of my Christmas shopping finished by December then there is a big chance that it won’t get finished by the 25th. What? So, I live in Bemidji, MN, about 2 hours from Canada, and during the holiday season all the online orders are held up because of the sheer numbers moving through the post office and other distributing companies. I truly feel bad for anyone that works for the Post Office, Amazon, FedEx, or UPS during the Christmas season because if everyone orders as much as I do, then they will have a huge amount of packages to deal with. So, I always try to have everything ordered before December or at least on their way during the first could weeks into the month.
I love this season of Christmas because we are reminded of family and the joys of giving to others. I mean it is fun getting gifts as well, but there is absolutely nothing like watching someone open up the gift you carefully selected for them. It took your time and brain power to select that perfect gift and watching them rip that paper away from the box containing that prize makes your insides explode in anticipation of their reaction. Then as their face lights up, you know that you did good, another successful Christmas.
But what if I told you that the gifts are only a small part of Christmas. No, I am not talking about the skiing, snowmobiling, or sledding that is indeed so much fun. I’m not even referring to the family dinner that is always so amazing and usually over-filling. What I am talking about, is the story that so many have forgotten and may have even replaced with Santa Claus.
I’m thinking about the story of the baby in the manger, in Luke 2. The baby, Jesus, came to earth as a gift to the world. He was the son of God that was sacrificed so that we could one day spend eternity with God in Heaven. That is the gift that we should remember the most on Christmas. Ok, now I am not saying you can’t enjoy your gifts, Christmas dinner, or even playing outside. I just want to remind you that Christmas was designed to remember the most important gift, Jesus. So, when you give that gift to your friend, spouse, or kids remember you already have the most important gift. And that He is the most important gift you can share with others during this Christmas season.
We shouldn’t give hundreds of physical gifts away without also considering to give out this spiritual gift as well. Jesus is the only gift that will change someone’s life forever. Remember that the next time you put something in your Amazon cart or push the Order button. The cool thing is that the gift of sharing Jesus with others is totally free. The most important gift doesn’t cost you anything, because Jesus already paid for it. How amazing is that? So, give it to others this Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Signing off,
Tami - Bozo or Boaz
Dear Bozo or Boaz,
It took me a long time to understand that my youth shaped my idea of what type of relationship I thought I deserved in my future. Relationships in our past often become a mirror of what we experienced, whether it was good or bad. If all we know is bad relationships, then bad relationships is often all we look for. The past molds us to believe that is all we deserve.
One of the easiest ways I have learned to think about those bad relationships, is by referring to the type guy I was looking for as a “Bozo”, like the clown, rather than the ideal guy from the Book of Ruth named “Boaz”. (Idea came from one of my favorite books, Lady in Waiting). God doesn’t want us to “settle” for a Bozo, that is why he has given us principles to follow so we can have our very own Boaz.
I cannot tell you how many friends and families I have seen break apart because of two people simply settling. There have been girls and guy friends in my life that I have watched end up resenting their spouse, because they reminded them of someone in their past that hurt them. They let what they thought they deserved dictate who they allowed into their lives and hearts.
Let me explain this through personal experience. Growing up, I lived in a home where my parents did not always get along. Ok, in truth they hardly ever had a civil moment. There would be loud arguments followed by days of them avoiding one another. Then they would just ignore what had happened and act like it never did. As years went by, the angry words started to lash out at me, so much so that later I learned that it actually causing me to develop mental health issues, which I am still working through today over 15 years later. I became the middle person for both of my parents, and I couldn’t escape. I felt alone, trapped, angry, and confused. “How could this be the picture of a Christian marriage?”
All I knew was this type of broken relationship, so when I saw someone with something different, I couldn’t understand it or believe that I was deserving of one like it. I didn’t know what love was, so when it came time to look for a potential spouse, I searched in all the wrong places. My ideal guy was a Bozo with an attitude. I liked the bad boys that pushed limits at church, because they knew that even if they tried to be “good” they still wouldn’t be good enough. If you didn’t act a certain way or wear the right type of clothes, you were considered the “bad kids.” The thought we all had was, “Might as well have as much fun as you can because we will never be the perfect princesses and princes the church wanted us to be?” Even when I did meet a good guy years later in college, I couldn’t allow myself to believe that he could ever be interested in me.
It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s and away from the toxic environment I grew up in, that I learned my whole thought process for what I deserved was wrong. Ryan, my now husband, told me that I was worthy of love and that he knew that God didn’t want me to settle for just a “Bozo”. Ryan showed me what a true, healthy relationship was by helping me see myself through the eyes of God. He taught me what love is and that I was deserving of it from a real modern day “Boaz”.
We can break this destructive cycle that our families and pasts create, and run toward the type of relationship that God has designed for us. Like I said earlier, God gave us the book of Ruth to help us to see that there is a “Boaz” out there for each and every one of His girls. And we can become one lucky guy’s Ruth, if we give ourselves to God in total abandonment and allow him to guide our steps. Don’t settle for a Bozo because that is what you think you deserve, because you don’t. You are God’s child and he wants you to reach for a Boaz that he has for you.
And be patient, God’s timing is everything. Don’t settle for someone right before God brings your Boaz around the corner.
Signing off,
Tami - Feeling Alone
Dear Feeling alone,
I don’t know if this is you, but when I was single I struggled with the knowledge that I would be spending another Friday night without a date. So, I would make make plans with my friends, so I didn’t have to think about my singleness. Or I would binge watch romantic movies while eating a whole bag of potato chips that I had been saving for such an occasion. I would do anything that would help.
As I got older, the days of singleness did not get easier. I still made plans with whoever was also single. But slowly, one friend after another started to date and get married. Sooner or later, each friend left my small circle of singleness. That was my life until I understood the truth. In those times of depression and needing comfort, hanging with my friends was probably not the best choice. But rather, I needed to fill that time with the only one that could comfort my heart more than a cute guy. I needed to spend some quiet time with God.“Reckless abandon is a level of surrender that unlocks the greatest treasure God has in store for His kids.” – Leslie Ludy
Instead of finding a date for Friday, I need to stay home and make a point to have a “Date with Jesus.” That’s right I needed to go on a date with Jesus. At first this kind of sounded weird to me. How can you date someone you can’t even see or hear? But as I looked into it more, I realized that Jesus wants that type of relationship with us too.
Think about it. What type of date do you want from your future boyfriend?
1. Go to the park
2. Call or text
3. Watch movies
4. Get coffee
5. Hold hands
6. Go on adventures
7. Play games
8. Go shopping
9. Simply talk/spend time
10. ….What if I told you that Jesus wants to do those things with you too. Jesus wants to spend time with you as you walk through the park together, text you throughout your day, or watch a movie on Friday nights. I’m not sure what coffee he would like, but spending time at the coffee shop with you while you drink your coffee, I know He wouldn’t turn it down. Even when you go shopping, He is ready and willing to be there right by your side as you try on that new dress. He just wants to be with you. He wants you to get to know Him and for you to fall in love with Him. Doesn’t that sound like a boyfriend.
Jesus is the only one that can fill the gaps of our lonely hearts. He desires to be the one to hold your hand or give you a hug when you need comfort. But He can’t do that until we, the young lady, allow Him to be there.
I can tell you first hand, once you allow him to fill you up with His love and presence, that lonely feeling will disappear. Now, the desire for a relationship may not go away – God has created us to have that desire – but He never intended for that to take over our lives and minds. Even after marriage, a guy cannot fill all the emptiness in a woman’s heart. We need God throughout all our lives, from birth until death, from singleness through marriage. We will never stop needing Him, that is why He wants us to learn to go to Him for our comfort and love early on (go on those date nights with Him.)
So don’t worry about your Friday nights, you have someone that is always ready for an adventure. You just need to ask Him and then open your Bible to hear Him. He speaks when we are listening and He hears when we talk to Him in prayer. Date nights with Him are amazing. I to make a point to go on more “dates” with Him, I never leave disappointed.
But the choice is up to you. Are you going to rush to make plans with your friends, or are you going to make a point to have a date with Jesus? Which will you choose for this Friday?
Signing off,
Tami - Saying “Yes”
Dear Saying “Yes”,
The question that is often asked by young ladies that want to recklessly abandon themselves to God, “Do I have to leave my family, hometown, and all my friends to prove that I am committed?” Occasionally God might ask you to do some of those things, but most of the time all he wants from you is a willingness to wake up in the morning and simply say “yes” to whatever He has planned for you.
What we decide to do every morning usually guides our attitude and mindset for the entire day. Therefore, if we purpose to wake up every morning and say “yes” to God, then that guarantees a wonderful start of our day and our future.“It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussing and fretting; coming in out of the wind.” -Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
This shout – yes method may seem simplistic, but there was a young teenage girl that chose to say “yes” to God every day, that ended up being chosen for a very special purpose, to be the mother of Jesus.
Luke 1:38 – “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.”
Do you think that God would have chosen her, Mary, to be the mother of Jesus if she wasn’t ready to say “yes” to whatever God brought into her life?
Compared to an old priest, Zacharias that struggle to say yes to the news of having a child in his old age. The very same angel that told Mary that she was chosen to bare the son of God, told Zacharias that his wife was also going to bare a son, named John the Baptist, but his responses were totally different.Luke 1:13-20 – “But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John. And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth. For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother’s womb. And many of the children of Israel shall he turn to the Lord their God. And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord. And Zacharias said unto the angel, Whereby shall I know this? for I am an old man, and my wife well stricken in years. And the angel answering said unto him, I am Gabriel, that stand in the presence of God; and am sent to speak unto thee, and to shew thee these glad tidings. And, behold, thou shalt be dumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because thou believest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season.”
Because of his disbelief, he was unable to speak until his son was born, while Mary a young girl/woman believed, had no restrictions, and needed no proof. It was much easier for Mary because she made the conscience decision every day, beforehand, to say “yes” to God, so she was ready and willing when the call came.
Are you willing today to say “yes” to God on a daily base? Can you follow Mary’s example in whatever God puts in front of you to say “yes” in obedience or will you copy Zacharias in disbelief? Even if he does ask you to do something that may seem hard or scary, are you willing to obey Him and say “yes?”
The choice is yours, but the result is up to God. I pray you can say “yes” to him.
Signing off,
Tami - New Faith
Dear New Faith,
I want to start this letter by saying that too many women have been involved in a form of religious worship, but have never had a vital, growing relationship with Jesus. That includes me. For many years, instead of having a growing relationship with God, we had rules that everyone was required to follow in order to be “religious”. But that type of faith became more of a lifeless ritual, rather than a vital love relationship with Jesus.
A single woman said, “I desired my relationship with the Lord be an adventure. One where I would find out what pleased Him and then do it, devoting as much energy to Jesus as I would in a relationship with a boyfriend. I am falling more in love with Jesus every day.” I never met that single woman, but I knew exactly what she was saying.
The desires I had to one day have a boyfriend, get married, and have children, I knew would never fulfill me. All my girlfriends growing up had one boyfriend after another, and with every heartbreak, I saw they were seeking fulfillment in someone who couldn’t give it to them. Throughout high school, I was never interested in anyone I went to school with. Being raised at a small school, I knew way too much about all the guys there because most of them I knew in diapers and preschool. Having memories of them at young ages doesn’t help with the idea of dating and possible marriage. So, my fantasies and dreams developed as I watched cheesy, romantic movies and read stories of princes saving their true loves. I tried to find my ideal look for my future boyfriend by staring at the hot or handsome men in Google images.Anything other than a love relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, regardless how good the thing may be, will bring you discouragement and disillusionment.”
– Jackie Kendall
Looking back, I have to laugh, because yes, those guys may be good looking, but they aren’t real. Even models look at their own pictures and say that those images are not them. (I actually saw an interview where a model said that the picture didn’t even look like her in real life. That the way they had her stand and all the Photoshop they did completely changed her look.) Plus, an image does not show us the character or the heart of a person. Looks never define who someone really is.
But the part of that quote that has always stuck out to me is, “I am falling more in love with Jesus every day.” Think about that for a moment. That sentence sounded so weird to me the first time I read it. How do we fall in love with Jesus? Now reread the whole quote again. “I desired that my relationship with the Lord be an adventure. One where I would find out what pleased Him and then do it, devoting as much energy to Jesus as I would in a relationship with a boyfriend. I am falling more in love with Jesus every day.” The easiest way for me to explain it simply is; devote as much time, energy and money, if needed, to Jesus as you would a boyfriend you are dating and hope one day to marry.
“Wow! Ok… So that means spending time, a lot of time with Him. That means going on dates. Talking to Him about my worries, fears, dreams, desires, and hopes. Maybe that is making sure I am honest and willing to change myself to become better to make Him happy. Maybe I need to learn a few things for our future together. Or… Maybe that mean that I need to focus on Him rather than on myself. Wow… Thinking of Jesus as my boyfriend changes a lot.”
And it will. When I started changing the way I thought about my relationship with Jesus the more I felt connected to him. I remember the first time I truly thought about him as someone that I wanted to be close with, it changed my world. I wanted to spend time with Him. I wanted to pray and read my Bible simply to be near him and hear him speak to me. I could feel the love in his words and at times it felt like he was holding me close when I needed a hug. The joy that filled my heart was something I could never explain well enough using words. I was in love.
Looking like a Christian and acting the part that churches require is not wrong, but having that wonderful, personal relationship with Jesus that brings so much joy and peace is far better.
Are you looking for that type of relationship with God today? Are you looking for that faith that is new and wonderful, only found in a growing friendship with Jesus? Or do you care more about pleasing the guy you are interested in currently?
Are you willing to start your adventure with Jesus today? I hope so. It changes the way we look at our faith. Our faith becomes new again.
Signing off,
Tami
Dear Young Lady,
I am so excited that you found me here in Love Letters. This is a safe place where you can come learn and hopefully be encouraged as you grow through probably one of the most challenging times of your life.
Growing up is full of new experiences that can be life-changing and sometimes scary, but don’t worry too much. I am going to be here to answer questions and show you through my personal experiences what I have learned and how everything will be ok. You are not the only one who is going through what you are feeling or thinking. It may surprise you to know that many women before you and many more after you have or will all go through it just like you. The key is to seek help and ask questions from the right places and people.
I know every girl is wondering and imagining about their future, probably with vivid pictures and dreams. In these letters, we will address some of the “big questions”, like how or when will you find the perfect boyfriend, how to know where you are supposed to live or go to college, and so many more. But we are also going to learn, at the same time, what God says about our future relationships and purposes.
There will be times that you will not like what I have to say or what God desires for your life, but… All I ask is that you wait a day or two before reacting. Pray about it and maybe talk to someone you trust who is a sound spiritual leader. I am not going to pretend that I have all the answers because I don’t. All I can do is show you how, with God’s help, I got through a time in my life that could have been the most discouraging and confusing.
To start off these letters, I am going to give you 10 points that we will discuss and hopefully learn to become a godly woman. These points are the key to finding success in every area of our young Christian lives.
1. She recklessly abandons herself to the Lordship of Christ
2. Diligently uses her single days
3. Trust God with unwavering faith
4. Demonstrates virtue in daily life
5. Loves God with undistracted devotion
6. Stands for physical and emotional purity
7. Lives in security
8. Responds to life with contentment
9. Makes choices based on her convictions
10. Waits patiently for God to meet her needs
Don’t try to understand right away what each of these means. They may sound straightforward, but we are going to really dig in and find out some amazing truths that will forever guide your life if you let them.
Again I am so excited that you chose to join me on this new adventure.
Signing off,
Tami